ASSISTED LIVING FOR MOM, PART 3, The “Place”

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Are you there? Are you researching the perfect place? First, take a few minutes to read Part 1 of my series about a conversation you should have with yourself. And Part 2, where I cover the conversation you and your siblings should have. This is Part 3 about how to find a place.


I’ve loaded this post with web links to make your research easier. Remember, I may talk about Mom, but this all applies to Dad, too. The fees I discuss are averages. Each locality will be different. In a future article, I'll talk about Medicare and Medicaid in more depth.

Quick Start
Does Mom have dementia? Curious about you being the caregiver? Get a feel for the topic at this award-winning site.

Your mom's physical condition and her primary doctor will decide what kind of help she needs. Her and her family's financial wherewithal will decide which care site she can choose. Your biggest contribution can be to begin the discussion with her now. If she has any mental deficiencies, the longer you wait, the more difficult it will be. 
Krzysztof Kowalik @ Unsplash

Age in Place
Over 90% of seniors want to live at home. If Mom is just a little forgetful (like what a stop sign means), your first big conversation may be about her keys. Her lifelong independence will be at stake, so it will not be easy. 

But it's not impossible. Neighbors and friends can be helpful. If her primary doctor agrees she shouldn't drive, many cities have medical transit buses. The drivers usually can help her to and from the bus, even if she uses a walker or wheelchair. 
Ravi Patel @ Unsplash

She could shop Instacart and similar food sites online and, within a few hours, receive groceries delivered right to her kitchen. Uber can deliver medications. Many cities are starting Village models, comprising volunteer neighbors helping each other age in place. And when it's time for her to have some help, here's a site where you can find the highest-rated caregivers near you. 

Remember, they usually require a contract and, often, a minimum of 3-4 hour scheduled visits, costing around $25/hour. If you think she'll need them, find a good one and get the paperwork done beforehand.
CDC @ Unsplash

Does Mom have any VA benefits? See Part 2 of this series about how to locate help on that topic. Do you want her to live with you, but you work? If she shouldn't be alone, and in-home caregivers are too expensive, look here for Adult Daycare ideas. If she can no longer be safe and independent at home, even with your help, maybe it's time to consider another way.

Residential Care Homes vs 
Independent Living Centers
Residential Care Homes are an option for independent seniors who periodically need a trained assistant but want to live with several others in a private residence. These are usually less expensive than larger facilities, but every state regulates them differently, so visit and research them carefully.  
Volodyr Hryschchenko @ Unsplash

Independent Living centers are usually comprised of joined condominiums or apartments, where independent seniors can live with peers and enjoy dining, maid and laundry services, and transportation, if needed. For an average cost of about $2800/month, think a cruise ship that never goes to sea. 

The Monthly Review
Are her medications becoming confusing? Is her hygiene and appearance more lax? Most facilities perform a "Monthly Review" on each patient. Any problems or worsening of conditions are noted and discussed with the patient, and if she agrees, with her family or responsible person. 

Manuel Alvarez @ Pixabay
You may find out then that where she's been happily living, now thinks she must be in a more specialized (read, expensive) facility. Establish a working relationship with them long before this happens. And have that next place already in your sights.

Assisted Living
These facilities help seniors who are mostly independent but need help with some day-to-day activities. Their average fee is $3600/month. Here's a great explanation.
Nursing Home
Nursing homes are more akin to hospitals and are federally regulated. They are for seniors who need 24/7 medical care but who don't need hospitalization. Their average fees are $7500/month. See here for more detailed information. Their doors are open to the outside world, and there is usually emphasis on activities for the active and frail alike.
Memory Care
ChaiyouS021 @ shutteretock
My mother-in-law, who increasingly suffered from vascular dementia, stayed only a few months in a nursing home before her monthly review established that, because of her increased wandering away, she needed to be in a memory care center. Visits from you, family and friends will become increasingly heart wrenching because the unit is on 24/7 lockdown. But Mom will treat your visits like gold. The staff there do incredible work. You can find more here. The average monthly fees mentioned at that site are not what I experienced. Her fees were around $6500/month in Wyoming. They average $9000 in Washington.
worradirek on shutterstock
Why?
Don't forget why you're doing this.  It will feel unfair and thankless. Try to imagine all those years, before you could remember, when she held your hand and showed you the way home.

 Stay Tuned
Future posts will cover:
     The Money
     Mom


Full Disclosure: I’m not a therapist nor am I a lawyer. My views are informed by my experiences while being a caregiver for three different family members.

Our books: The Prostate Chronicles and Letters In a Helmet







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